The Storm

20120531-100401.jpg
the beauty after the storm

The other night I laced up my shoes as I geared up for my nightly run (my soles4souls 5K is coming up on Saturday, eek!) My mind was heavey and loaded with things that can’t be spoken into life on this blog. Luckily I was running with a dear friend who does get it….the hard stuff that comes with parenting a deeply traumatized child.

As we ran in the summer heat, a storm rolled in. We kept running. We became soaked and decided to turn around as not to put ourselves in danger, but we still managed to finish our run. There was a part of me that welcomed the storm with open arms.

I couldn’t help but think of how running in this storm served as a great metaphor for my life right now. I could have easily avoided the storm, but instead decided to run straight into it. I embraced the reality of the rain as it pelted my skin, the wind as it pushed strongly against my body, the thunder as it echoed through my ears. I felt strong, calm. As the storm raged around me, I secretly felt free. This is where I wanted to be, I thought to myself, in a place of personal calm as the storm of life rages around me.

You see, I have been avoiding the raging storm in my own life. Not because I don’t see it, but because I have been paralyzed by fear and denial. But today I have chosen to run in head first, to be embraced by the raging storm…to enter it and walk through it in hopes of coming out the other side better than when I entered it.

My child with special needs who came from a history of profound trauma needs more help than I can give. Today, I sought out that help and it was an extremely difficult thing to do.

I have faith that there will be beauty after the storm. But you can’t get to the other side without first venturing through the chaos and turmoil. So while the storm may rage, we will walk hand-in-hand, knowing that the beauty of the aftermath awaits us just around the bend…

***

“I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” ~ Unknown

9 thoughts on “The Storm

  1. Kathy Radgian

    What a beautiful piece. I so relate to the feelings you expressed in this post. I remember what I felt like when we put our daughter into a preschool for special needs children. I had worked so hard to catch everything so early, read everything, went to every specialist, but I could not do it alone and if felt very real. I have gone through similar steps with her as we navigate the road of living with her very profound needs and each time I feel as if I’m going through a storm but then once I go through it we all come out stronger. My thoughts are with you and your beautiful family.

    Reply
    1. Hiking Mama

      Thank you! It’s so good to talk with other moms who understand. It can feel so lonely when you have to deal with such big issues. I am lucky to have found some wonderful moms who can relate. Hugs to you, mama! Thanks for sharing with me.

      Reply
  2. Love Many Trust Few

    It is so hard to know just when is the right time to reach out for more help. You do every possible thing you can to help your children to feel loved, to feel a genuine part of your family. But when it comes to special needs and especially to early trauma and even more so when it is a combination of both, then this is when you learn that love (as vital and healing as it is) is not enough. This is when we need that village to help us to raise our kids. Whether that means support for you, for your child, for your family. You know in your heart you are doing the right thing.

    Reply
  3. Madhu

    What a beautiful post! I can well imagine how hard it must be! Have no doubt you will lead your family to the ‘beauty of the aftermath’! Take care and stay strong.

    Reply
  4. Rhoda

    Thank you once again for sharing so honestly and openly what is on your heart. This helps me to pray for you. One Psalm that helps me whenever the storm clouds (the floods in the Psalm) rage is Psalm 93. The floods have lifted up, O LORD, the floods have lifted up their voice. But the part I take comfort in–The LORD on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea. The storm may be great, but there is a heavenly Father on high who is mightier than any storm. Why He sometimes allows the things that cause the storms, we may never know, but I do know that He wants to reveal Himself in and through the storm and show that He is still there. Praying for peace in the midst of the storm.

    Reply
  5. Hiking Mama

    Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. They really do mean so much to me and it helps to know that so many care and are rooting for us!

    Reply

Leave a Reply