an anniversary

On July 15th of last year, we walked out of a court house as a new official family of four. Although Big Brother had been home with us from Hong Kong for the preceding 6 months, the adoption was finally finalized in a court of law. I don’t really get excited about the July 15th anniversary as he was already “ours” (in my opinion) the day he walked out of the orphanage holding my hand.  The court date was just a formality to complete the legal side of things.

But I couldn’t pass up a chance to reflect on the last 1.5 years. You can read about Big Brother’s first 6 months home right here, in a post that I wrote the day before the finalization in court.  You can go back even further and read plenty of posts about our struggles and triumphs in the Adopting? or Autism tabs at the top of the blog.

Our very first meeting was heart wrenching.

So where are we 1.5 years later?  Well, it’s difficult to put into words.  We are in a good place.  Big Brother has made remarkable progress in every area imaginable. We still have struggles….massive struggles.  There is still so much that breaks my heart about his past and about how his past manifests in his everyday life. There is still a lot of trauma to be undone.  But we do the best we can with what we have.  And at the end of the day, I know we are one step closer to where we want to be.  There are days where I feel that I am not doing enough and days where I feel like we’ve conquered the highest mountain in the world.  We have our share of good days and bad days, good months and bad months.  Love is still something Big Brother is trying to understand and accept.  Attachment is a never ending ebb and flow of progress. We march forward and do the best we can.  It’s hard–parenting an older adopted child with significant special needs and a past of significant trauma. Friends, it’s so, so hard.  Sometimes the road is lonely.  Sometimes the road seems so steep that I just want to stop the forward marching for a bit and slow down to catch my breath.  But one thing is for sure.  We are all in this together and we will not ever give up.  I believe that love is enough, and someday Big Brother will understand that.

So here’s to 1.5 years together, my precious Big Brother.  Through good times and bad,  I promise you that I will continue to do the best I can and will always show you what love really means. I do love you, and always will!  

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“I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” -unknown

17 thoughts on “an anniversary

  1. latebloomershow

    Very beautiful. (wipe tears) I just started reading “Beyond Logic, Consequences and Control,” (about 8 years late on this, but better late than not ever), and it has helped me to understand how kids get traumatized in the first three years from not necessarily abuse, but neglect (and I didn’t even realize this or do anything about this, because I was so busy taking him to doctors for medical reasons, and was hoping the psychological could take care of itself) and highly recommend it for parents who are struggling with teens making bad choices and into risky behaviors. Logic, consequences and control don’t work for kids who have experienced trauma, according to the book, and we have to change our behavior, so they will change theirs. I’m not sure this book is for the special circumstances of autism, but it has helped me tremendously to understand my son. Beautiful post and beautiful family.

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    1. Hiking Mama

      I’m so glad you shared with me, I had actually been thinking about reading that! I will check it out. And I so agree with the idea about trauma and how logic and consequences don’t always work in these situations. Have you also seen Karyn Purvis’s “The Connected Child”? Another great one with a similar theme.

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